Oh yes, my darling little should-have-been-a-mare gelding is the ultimate button pusher when it comes to our relationship. If horses could giggle, he would be the one laughing maniacally as he careens out of the 20 meter circle we're attempting in our dressage test knowing well and good how beautifully he worked that same 20 meter circle in warm-up. He is the one that will decide during your XC run he isn't going anywhere near that trakehner, only to jump it two weeks later during a lesson with a "what's the big deal?" attitude.
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| What I imagine Black Jack's face looks like during dressage |
God, I love him.
No really, I do. Thanks to Black Jack, I am slowly becoming the epitome of a patient rider. If I push him to quickly, he caves to the pressure. If I demand too much, he snarls and backs up 100 mph. If I am too quick to punish, he's quick to give me a taste of my own medicine (note: it tastes like dirt).
This past weekend, in the aforementioned XC lesson, Black Jack was in top form. Jumping like an old pro, never giving a jump a second glance, and I was having a ball. I mean, grinning from ear to ear, laughing like a school girl on her first date, good ol' time.
Then we went to the ditch.
Yes, THE DITCH. Now mind you, we had already jumped the training level ditch, which I'm pretty sure he yawned over, but then we asked him to cross over the teeny, tiny baby ditch next to the (also aforementioned) trakehner and he LOST HIS MIND. Okay, so maybe it was full of water and weeds and Nessie, but c'mon Black Jack, you're an event horse. Get it together.
| The baby ditch according to Black Jack |
I felt it coming. That frustration. Here we were, providing a lead for a green horse over the training level ditch only a moment ago, and now we were having anxiety about the tadpole ditch. I've got my leg on, giving him some taps with the dressage whip that my trainer suggested I bring (she's so smart) and he is backing up into my taps. I growled a few times at him, told him he was being dumb, and then, a light bulb came on.
I started laughing. No, not the maniacal laughter of an eventer who has finally fully lost her mind, but the kind of laughter you have when your dog is scared of the ceramic piggy bank that has been sitting on the shelf for five years. I laughed at him for the silly pony he was being, and at myself for getting frustrated. Here we were, having an awesome day, and I was going to let one obstacle get me down? Heck no!
As I started laughing, my frustration subsided, and I soon was able to look past his goofiness and start praising him for the tiniest things. A few steps forward got a "good boy!" and a look down at the ditch (by him, not me!) was greeted with a "there you go!" and before you know it, we were over that ditch. A few more times we jumped it both ways, and then we were sent to the trakehner where (you guessed it) we jumped it the first time without an issue.
"Good boy!"
On the ride home the next day, I got to thinking. Just how often do we, as riders, punish ourselves? Over the littlest things really. We see a picture of ourselves riding, and the first thing we do is criticize "oh my gosh my leg is awful" or "ew, those breeches make me look huge!" or "gross I look like a hunchback!" I could go on and on.
Now think back to the last time you gave yourself a pat on the back, a "good boy/girl!" or a "there you go!" When is the last time you looked at a picture of yourself and picked out the positive first? I would feel safe betting that you don't remember.
We have to find mistakes to make improvements, but we also have to be careful not to punish ourselves for those mistakes. This next week, I challenge you to make a positive statement about yourself every day. After every ride, I challenge you to say one thing you did well before talking about your mistakes. Every time you look at a picture or video of yourself, pick out what you like first. Try this for one week, and see what a difference this one small habit can make!
